Your 5

November 20th, 2009 | Author: Lady HotchKiss

Before clicking on the title to see the rest of the article: PROMISE yourself that you will take the challenge, help me out, and write a comment!

I have never been much of a list person or one for defining clearly what I want in a relationship. Mostly I have found people that I enjoy and worked the rest out.

This seems somehow like the Design Model for a Relationship blog. When you define clearly what you think you want; what are you missing along the way? On the other hand, trying something different doesn’t hurt. Putting together a brainstormed list of hopes and dreams for the perfect relationship might prove interesting and valuable.

Of course, never having done this I don’t seem to even be aware of the words that fit the exercise. I have written down a few things . . . not sure if they are anywhere NEAR on point though.

One article I read about healthy relationships discussed ten qualities or attributes: balance, confidence, independence, relationship mastery skills, emotional openness, empathetic, unconditional love, on dharmic path, non-resistance to change, and a sense of humor. This is simply one list; I am SURE there are hundreds (thousands?) more!

Another list details 37 things for a healthy marriage. While I am not married seems like a good place to start when in a 24/7 power exchange relationship. In some ways long-term is LONG-TERM.

1.	Share a healthy philosophy of life with clear ideals
2.	Are growing in friendship and respect as well as love for each other
3.	Share many interests and activities together
4.	Enjoy each other’s company
5.	Are trusting and trustworthy, are interpersonally honest yet tactful
6.	Are interdependent
7.	Are proud of each other’s achievements, and give realistic praise
8.	Are interested in and respect each other’s work
9.	Share in decision making
10.	Try to share and make monotonous work interesting, such as household chores
11.	Have realistic hopes linked to attainable goals
	Take responsibility for decisions and behavior
13.	Will, if education is needed to reach goals, patiently delay marriage to continue their schooling
14.	Have a mindset which sees problems as challenges to be solved
15.	Have usually been seriously interested in at least three other possible mates before making their final choice, and have affected “break-ups” in non-destructive ways
16.	Are able to live within their financial means
17.	Are ware of their weaknesses and show efforts at constructive change
18.	Use criticism wisely, but maintain a balance in which there is more praise than criticism
19.	Are “real” people, genuine and authentic
20.	Find that the growing relationship helps each person become more sure of him/herself
21.	Engage in healthy physical activities – get adequate nutrition, exercise and sleep
22.	Restrict their use of sarcasm, nagging, embarrassment and complaining
23.	Enjoy talking and listening to one another, even when discussing areas of conflict
24.	Experienced courtships that were not frantic or rushed (over 60% of the early divorces were due to hurried marriages- where the couples were very young, not well acquainted, and where the engagement period was very short)
25.	Are empathic and attempt to understand and meet their partner’s needs
26.	Did not elope (4/5 of couples who elope, divorce)
27.	Enjoy giving of themselves to others – they desire to give as well as to get
28.	Used their courtship time to thoroughly get acquainted, and grow in love
29.	Carefully consider the issues that face them, evaluating the pros and cons of alternatives. They try not to jump to hasty conclusions regarding important relationship issues
30.	Marry out of respect and affection, not out of pity or sympathy
31.	Enjoy each other’s families, in spite of their possible faults
32.	Talked through a number of sexual issues during their engagement period
33.	Enjoy a healthy, non-destructive and appropriate use of humor
34.	Are satisfied with the amount of affection demonstrated in their relationship
35.	Try to change personal habits that are irritating to their spouse
36.	Try not to dwell on past mistakes, but look ahead to ways of avoiding similar situations in the future
37.	Are able to forgive and receive forgiveness from one another

These articles discuss underlying things that “need” to be present for a healthy relationship. None of the ideas describe everyday “tangible” things.

My assignment: Things I need and want in a relationship, tangible and intangible.

YOUR assignment (remember the beginning, you promised!): list 5 things you need or want in a relationship. Go ahead, put it in the comments section . . . really, I need the help.

This series is inspired by a personal development magazine; click here for the beginning of the series.

Lady HotchKiss Says

Your 5

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