The 3rd Key described in 5 Keys to an extraordinary relationship (in My Friday Personal Development series) is “using a design model”. Huh?
This one seems REALLY contrived to me. WAY too much! I am not a goal setter; I simply accomplish. The new rage about setting personal goals, working toward them, measuring success – that sounds like what I did at WORK! I want to live my life; not set goals and watch as I progress toward them. For some things this seem reasonable; triathlon, etc. But for most of a personal life it seems over the top. I grew up in a time when we had fun, were lazy, got bored, and figured something out. That is what I continue to do as an adult; figure it out and make the best of things I can. I look for opportunities to expand and grow; but I rarely plan them out.
There is something to be said for being opportunistic; I might not know exactly where I am going, but it is great being on the path. I think that being too goal driven can blind people to opportunities that present themselves. I have done strategic planning as a career; only to many times see the plan get dusty or have it mutate over time, or have it be too rigid and therefore opportunities are missed.
Still this section did have lots to think about; mostly, living your relationships consciously. What are some basic questions to ask: 1) why are we in a relationship, 2) what do we want to experience together, and 3) how? You might be more included to ask these and similar questions as things get serious and when societal markers (boyfriend, engagement, marriage, kids, etc) are looming; but what about during other times. Seems like these questions might also be VERY beneficial in-between those markers as a way to check-in with yourself, each other, and your relationship. Are you both/all getting what you need? Have your needs changed?
Remember: your journey is about YOU!
© 2009, Lady HotchKiss. All rights reserved.
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4 Responses to “Design Model for a Relationship?”
Everyone has a need for goals. Whats different is that some people focus on them and some people simply “accomplish” them. But to accomplish something virtually anything requires the idea of an end product, which sounds surprisingly like a goal.
A goal is simply something to achieve, accomplish or attain. Problems come when accumulating the number of goals becomes the entire exercise, and not the enjoyment or learning that should naturally flow from attaining what ever the end product is.
Regarding the three questions pertaining to relationships these definitely focus on a goal, which is the relationship itself, keeping it strong and healthy.
Yes, well . . . I was more meaning goals as we understand than NOW – specific and measureable. They are not the ONLY way to progress in life; allowing things to unfold is another.
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