In the continuing personal development series, last week I blogged about the importance of high-performance communication. This week I am going to discuss the second key to extraordinary relationships; knowing the 5 stages of a relationship. This article says that there are 5 stages: attraction, power struggle, cooperation, synergy, and completion.
I am going to focus on two of these stages . . . predictably I have something to say about the power struggle. D/s relationships are typically about power exchange. It might seem that this stage is easier for D/s relationship. I think it is merely different. We still negotiate/compromise on how much power is exchanged at any given time. Not all s-types give up the same amount and it can change over time; and not all d-types are willing to accept the same amount of power all the time. The real difference in a D/s relationship is that this is done consciously, with purpose, and intentionally. Because of this, there is another type of power struggle that D/s relationships have . . . namely, an internal one. All parties involved are conscious of the power exchange, which means that we are monitoring ourselves and the power exchange. As we grow in a relationship this may become more fluid and natural; but in the beginning of any relationship we are testing this to see if it meets our needs.
As for completion, one idea mentioned is transitions. I really like this. We tend to think that successful relationships are “until death do us part”. I find that standard unrealistic and confining. While it may have “worked” when life expectancy was shorter and societal pressure to stay together was greater; it is certainly not the ONLY model for success. We have other expectations for our relationships today . . . happiness, growth, fulfillment, etc. It is OK for a relationship to have a time span and end. Did you learn and grow? Did your partner learn and grow?
In doing research for this blog I also came across four ingredients in a good relationship: feeling accepted, feeling as though your partner has influence over you, not telling your partner something they already know, and keeping judgment about the other person’s issues/problems to a minimum. Seems like a reasonable list!
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